Problem: Toilet
tank does not fill.
Solution: A quick
trip to Lowe's for a new valve float tower thingy.
Outcome: Fastest,
simplest home repair ever.
Problem: What the
heck? Why is the bathroom floor all wet?
Solution: Double-check
and tighten all the connections. Place a bowl under the toilet to catch
any dripping. Wait a while to see if maybe the seals just need to swell
up a little or something.
Outcome: Pending
further developments, all seems to be well.
Problem: Roscoe (Labrador retriever) chooses to drink out of the drip-catching bowl, spilling most of the water.
Why he did that:
All the advantages of delicious, delicious toilet water, without the
inconvenience of asking a human to raise the lid for you.
Solution: Replace
drip-catching bowl, raise toilet lid.
Problem: That must
mean the drip catching bowl was catching a significant number of drips.
We must still have a leak. Investigate. Seems to be leaking from
the toilet supply line where it attaches to the new valve float tower thingy.
Bad seal?
Solution: Another
quick trip to Lowe's. A new toilet supply line with rubber seal thingies
is only $0.25 more expensive than the new rubber seal thingies by themselves,
so I get a new toilet supply line.
Outcome: Got the
wrong toilet supply line. There are several possible sizes for the
lower connection, such as 1/2 inch, 5/8 inch, and 3/4 inch.
Solution: Go back
to Lowe's, get the other size.
Outcome: Nope,
still not right. Ours seems to be 251/410 inch.
Solution: Dig
through trash, recover original toilet supply line and rubber seal
thingy. Re-install.
Outcome: Still
dripping.
Solution: Let it
drip for a while. Give it a chance to miraculously heal.
Outcome: Sometimes
the Lord is Not Subtle. The drip worsens.
Analysis: The drip
is present with all permutations of new and old toilet supply line and new and
old rubber seal thingies. The common factor is the new valve float tower
thingy.
Problem: Perhaps
the inlet of the new valve float tower thingy is itself faulty or
ill-manufactured.
Solution: Go to
Lowe's again, but this time get the top-of-the-line $18 valve float tower
thingy.
Outcome: While
installing the newest $18 valve float tower thingy, notice that the rubber seal
thingy on the inside of the tank of the new valve float tower thingy (not the
newest $18 valve float tower thingy that I bought this morning, but, rather,
the one I bought last week) was somehow installed upside down, thus making it
impossible for the rubber seal thingy to accomplish that it was designed to
accomplish.
Analysis: I must
have installed the afore-mentioned rubber seal thingy without paying sufficient
attention to the instructions provided with the valve float tower thingy, thus
exhibiting the sin of hubris.
Result: Express
one's frustration, humiliation and embarrassment through the media of
blasphemy and obscenity. Invent, through purely description means, of
course, and not by demonstration, a new form of deviant sexual behavior
involving noted religious figures, pig nipples, Viking helmets and swim
fins.
Obvious solution:
Install rubber seal thingy in correct orientation.
Problem: I have
added the sin of blasphemy to the sin of hubris. Sometimes the Lord is
Not Subtle. Approximately half-way through the re-installation process
the shut off valve at the base of the toilet now fails, delivering
approximately 250 gallons of water per second into my face.
Solution: Send Dad
out front to shut off the water supply to the house as a whole. Complete
the re-installation of the new valve float tower thingy (not the $18 valve
float tower thingy, but the one I bought last week) with the rubber seal thingy
in the correct orientation, using the original, 20 year old toilet supply
line. Ignore the failure of the shut off valve at the base of the
toilet. Place newest $18 valve float tower thingy and new toilet supply
line in closet. Note that there is now a great deal of room in the
closet, as every towel we own is currently soaking up water on the bathroom
floor.
Outcome: Uncertain.
It is difficult to know if the re-installation is dripping, as EVERYTHING IN
THE BATHROOM IS NOW DRIPPING.
Observation: I
have four college degrees.
Significance: Unknown.
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